Henry Ford once said, “you can't learn in school what the world is going to do next year”.
This is very apt for the times we’re living in, particularly for attorneys. There’s a common phrase that says, “law school doesn’t teach you the law - it teaches you how to think like a lawyer”.
But what it does it mean to think like a lawyer?
And who is the prototypical lawyer?
See - words matter and definitions matter. To define means to set the boundaries and limits of a thing. If we don’t understand, and question, set boundaries then we may find ourselves operating and living according to rules and limitations that neither make sense, adequately serve us, nor cultivate our God-given talents and potentials.
This something we all have to understand.
“You should ride for the two that died, that means
You arrived with the youth inside you, King”Lupe Fiasco, ‘Kingdom’
In ‘The Godfather’, there’s a scene where Sonny Corleone says to Tom Hagen, the family lawyer, “If I had a war time consigliere, a Sicilian, I wouldn’t be in this shape. Pop had Genco, look what I got!”
Later in the movie, Michael Corleone demotes Tom and explains his decision by saying, “you’re not a wartime consigliere, Tom.. things may get rough with the move we're trying”.
The truth is - the advice Tom gave them wasn’t wrong. The issue was - Tom didn’t give them personal advice. His advice was divorced from the personal feelings of Sonny and Michael, and he didn’t empathize with their feelings. Tom was the adopted son of Vito Corleone, the ‘Godfather (father to Sonny and Michael); but Tom always was a bit of an outsider. When an assassination attempt was made against Vito Corleone, Tom didn’t react like a son whose father had almost been killed. He reacted and advised like a detached “attorney”, instead of a brother.
This rubbed Sonny, and eventually Michael, the wrong way. They didn’t just want his legal advice, they wanted personal advice. They wanted to know that he felt and understood them and their position(s). They wanted to know he was in the fight with them instead of being an outside counselor.
They wanted a wartime consigliere.
There’s a lesson here for us all, not just counselors. How do we become wartime consiglieries? That is, how do we become people that others trust - particularly when things go left?
Rest in peace to my friend, Mark Chaney.
I remember being in college, and some of my “friends” and I went to the club one night. During the night - my friend Mark, who passed earlier this year, got into it with someone else. Next thing I knew there were 4 our 5 guys ready to fight him.
As I stood next to Mark, I looked around for the other guys we came to the club with and I saw one in the corner hiding and pretending like he didn’t see what was going on. Fortunately for us, the bouncers came in and threw the other guys out - but that experience told me everything I needed to know about relationships.
Confidants, Constituents, and Comrades
In life, there are different levels of relationships. I once heard T.D. Jakes say, you have: (i) confidants, (ii) constituents, and (iii) comrades. Your Confidants are those who are in your inner circle. You can confide in them about virtually everything, and they’re there for you through thick and thin. Constituents are fellow members in an organization (whether company or government). Your ties to them are secondary; and there is no lasting personal relationship. The fans of a professional sports team are the constituents of a professional athlete; but the athlete cannot necessarily call on them when they need personal assistance. Lastly, Comrades are people who organize with you for a specific mission - often, to accomplish a mandate or defeat an opposing force. Companies that ally together to pass or defeat legislation, which affect them all, are comrades - they aren’t part of the same organization; and there may not be personal ties, but they have an incentive to join together for an express mission.
As people, it’s our responsibility to define “who is who” in our lives. Otherwise, we can become frustrated or disillusioned when we confuse the role(s) people play in our lives. I saw a quote that said something to the effect of “see things as the are, not as you wish them to be”. This brings clarity and, largely, prevents disappointment when people don’t live up to our expectations.
“I don’t want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire him to tell how to do what I want to do”
J.P. Morgan
These are principles that have guided me not only in my life, but in my career. My mother hates when I say this - but I didn’t go to the biggest law school; and I didn’t have major connections when I began my legal career. Despite that, I became an attorney and have advised Fortune 500 corporations, multi-million and billion dollar companies, silicon valley startups, and have negotiated 6 - 7 figure entertainment deals. Besides the grace of God, and the support of family, I attribute this to the fact that I always seek to advise and operate, not just as an attorney; but as a human being.
My goal is to always understand what is important to people - and make sure that I help them achieve it.
In this journey of life, we’re all navigating around people, systems, and structures that often serve as roadblocks to the manifestation and actualization of our goals and ideals. In the present and future, it will be those people, entrepreneurs, and companies that empathetically meet the needs of people and “help them do what they want to do” that will benefit the most.
Many people and organizations myopically create solutions to problems that don’t exist; instead of, first, seeking to understand people, cultures, and organizations and their respective pain-points; and, only then, working to create solutions.
That’s how you end up with financial and economic bubbles, and ineffective companies. If we don’t, first, seek to understand people and their problems then any solution we create will be ineffective for them, and unprofitable for us, in the long-run.
I don’t have many predictions for 2023, but I know it’s going to be rough for many; so pick your fights carefully and make sure that all your relationships (whether personal or professional) are clearly defined - and, only then, seek to be the person or company who proactively advances that cause or mission.
In other words, be a wartime consigliere.
Elijah Adefope is a media, entertainment, and technology attorney and consultant. He is Lead Counsel at Substack, a media technology platform for creatives, and has written two books on the music and sports industries. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia and can be reached on LinkedIn or at elijah@thrivesportsent.com
This reminds me of a long-running discussion I’ve had with friends about “honor culture” (which I come from) vs “dignity culture” (which I live in in California). There are trade-offs to each, I can concede, but I’m an honor-culture person when the chips are down, and I feel pride rather than shame when I read articles like this and peep the charts showing that I and my people are a little crazy: https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/05/why-economists-need-a-new-understanding-of-human-behaviour/
The truth is, in a lot of situations, you want this sort of craziness! Anyway; extremely fun post!