I missed my flight (smh).. so here’s a quick message while I’m in the airport waiting on the next one.
Shoutout ‘Atlanta Chophouse’ restaurant at the Hartsfield-Jackson Airport..
…also, shoutout this drunk guy from Slovakia next to me who’s headed to Medellin, Columbia.. we’re having an interesting conversation.
From time to time, I get inquiries from people asking me for advice on the music business and career(s) in general.
I’m at the place where I’ve started telling people to follow God - because, to be honest, there’s no real rhyme or reason to any of this - or as my Naija people say, “life no balance”.
Contrary to popular belief, you can take all the right steps; and do all the right things - and still not see the results you want to see. That’s why I believe in grace and favor.
When I see artists, athletes, and other professionals excel at high levels - that’s not them (whether or not they know it). GOD put them there.
But this isn’t a sermon, this is about EQ - or emotional intelligence. I believe it’s one of the most underrated skillsets to have.
EQ
Emotional Intelligence is being able to, firstly, regulate your emotions; and secondly, understand the emotions and personas of other people - and then connect and navigate accordingly.
Life is spiritual. Life is vibes..
Right or wrong, most people make decisions based on how they feel.. and for other reasons I won’t get into now.. So being able to tap into your feelings, and connect with those of others will benefit you more than simply knowing facts and figures.
Life isn’t like social media, where everyone knows everything and is a billionaire - or super influencer.. life is more intricate, and delicate, than that.
This is why movie studios use music for soundtracks, it’s why preachers have keyboardists play while they’re speaking… it’s why brands use music and artists to sell product(s) - music is a gateway to our souls.
Be Like Water
This is why it’s important to understand how to navigate through life. When you’re young, particularly as a man, it’s all testosterone and hubris… but then you realize that you’re just wasting energy most of the time and not really getting anywhere.
It’s like Bruce Lee said - “be like water”
In life, there will be times when it’s necessary to use force - but there will also be times when it’s necessary to flow. The challenge is being able to balance the two.
Balancing flow and force.
Balancing vision and work.
That’s the challenge.
Life is complex. There are 8 billion people on this planet. Tens of thousands of languages. Everyone has a different life experience, a different story, and a different outlook.
Your success will lie in being able to connect with them.
But this is why it’s important to first connect with yourself and your story.
It’s important to first know who you are.
I’m not here to front like some super guru, and I don’t have it all figured out - but here are some things that have helped me learn how to navigate, and develop EQ.
Meditation - This is simply finding time and a quiet space to ruminate on positive affirmations, scripture, or even just silence. You would be surprised how much noise we take in on a daily basis - and how much of the thoughts we think are not even ours. Meditation removes the noise, and allows you to think clearly and for yourself.
Spend Time on Yourself - What actually makes you happy and benefits you? I’m not talking about things you do for others so they think highly of you - I’m talking about the things you do by yourself and for yourself. If you can’t help yourself, you can’t help others. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love others.
Decrease Inputs - Decreasing the number of inputs I receive on a daily basis has helped me tremendously. I don’t need to know what’s going on with everyone, everywhere.. all the time. And even if I knew all of this, how would I be able to actually help? Our lives our finite, we only have a limited number of years in our lives, and energy in our days. Decide what you care about the most, and limit 80 - 90% of your daily intake to those things.
Do Nothing - Sometimes, you need time to just do nothing - and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Expect Nothing (from others) - People often say, “expect nothing.. and you’ll never be disappointed”. I don’t believe in that. If you don’t have a vision, how do you know where you’re going? It’s not the route that’s important, but the destination is of supreme importance. I have many expectations of myself; but when it comes to most people, not so much. This is why emotional and relational intelligence is important. It’s important to qualify the people you allow to be in your life. Are they constituents, comrades, or confidants? Are they people you deal with at work, or on peripheral matters, only? Are they people you deal with when there’s a specific mission? Or are they people who you allow to intimately be apart of your life because of the, unconditional, enrichment that they bring? Qualify, don’t expect… and definitely don’t assume.
Hold Yourself to a Higher Standard - I’ve been watching a lot of Kobe Bryant videos lately, and the standard that man held himself to is insane. While his peers were out clubbing, playing video games, and chasing women - he was working, and holding it down for his family.. and that’s why he’s one of the greatest basketball players of all time.. it’s why 99.99999% of basketball players will never reach his level. At a certain level, everyone is talented; but it takes something extra to enter the next echelon. It requires holding yourself to a higher standard.. not expecting others to do it for you; and being willing to go further, even without the crowd.. even when you’re misunderstood.
Boundaries - Everybody ain’t your bro.. everybody isn’t your friend. Everyone shouldn’t have access to you. The people you spend the most time with, have a direct impact on the quality and results you see in your life - and it’s always easier to be pulled down than it is to lift up. Try swimming with a 100 pound weight tied to you.
Know Who You Are - Opinions are like, you know what - everybody has one… know who you are, and stick to that. Integrity. Know who you are, determine what you’re worth, where you’re going, and what you’re willing to do to get there - and never compromise. The reason why many don’t see the results they would like to see is because they’re not serious. They’re undecided. They never truly make the decision to go after it - if they did, they wouldn’t accept things that don’t help them get there. It’s like the story of the Spartans. When they would sail to war and land on the enemies shore - they would burn their ships. This was a message to themselves that they would not retreat nor accept defeat.
Don’t Settle - When you’re a high achiever or extremely focused, people will often tell you that you’re doing too much or that you need to chill - meanwhile, they idolize people who have succeeded at high levels.. it’s because they don’t understand what it takes. I’m not advising you to be unhealthy or unbalanced.. but, to be frank, work / life balance is a myth. When you love what you do, and are obsessed with it, it becomes a part of your life. Work / Life Integration is more like it.
Chill - As long as you’re alive - it’’ll be ok - take deep breaths.. there’s another day coming. A few days ago I was sitting on my balcony, and I saw this guy miss the bus. He threw the worst tantrum, lol.. he was ranting and raving in the middle of the street. He even threw his bag at the bus… but guess what…
Less than 15 minutes later, another bus came.
That’s life..
..that’s EQ
Elijah Adefope is a media, entertainment, and technology consultant and attorney. He is Lead Counsel at Substack, a media technology platform for creatives, and has written two books on the music and sports industries. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia and can be reached on LinkedIn or at elijah@thrivesportsent.com